Monday, 7 July 2008
on the one hand there is hope. bright, promising, air-brushed.. on the other, there is despair. not despair, exactly, more like confusion. i've been building dreams for years now. some were realized, some weren't. some im still fighting for, maybe not enough though. yet there were some cherished dreams, ones where hope made up for an inability to do much about them. but then sometimes life throws a bouncer. from hoping against hope, i'd gone to this stage where i was living the dream in my mind, feeling it may be right around the corner. i approached the metaphorical corner cautiously at first, then throwing caution to the winds, soon at breakneck speed, for all i wanted to do was be there, in the promised land i had constructed in my mind, the one that lay right around the corner.. but the bouncer from fate was a hitchhiker who told me i was deluded. that the land was not to be. vague memories of old hitchhikers like her hit me.. ones who told me the same stories of what lay ahead.. yet hope gave me a certain confidence that blurred everything else, that deleted minor details like hitchhikers and stories, and showed me only what i wanted to see. and i raced ahead. but the last hitchhiker i met was right next to the corner. only a millisecond separates me from the corner, yet the the thought that the hitchiker could have easily looked around the bend and seen whats ahead and thus is right in warning me hits my head so hard that im tempted to hit the brakes. and now i'm frozen in a moment of time, i have the hitchhikers story to warn me, i have the brakes, and my foot is still flooring the gas pedal. i get the feeling that its maybe too late now, that a crash and a broken body, or the barren land and a broken heart are my only two options. i'm still in that millisecond.